Random Thoughts

So one of the blogs is extremely serious (www.zardozedupsych.blogspot.com)
The other blog is a little bit lighter (www.zardozgames.blogspot.com)

This blog will be devoted to my written projects (The Fantasy World i'm designing for gaming projects, the superhero universe i constructed for another game, random prose, if i'm drunk enough poetry might show up here and again) that aren't articles or reviews of other people's stuff.

So what's this one about?

The Strangest experience i have is when i am working on a project or a work problem ( I work  as an accountant for most of my week, and the numbers will drive you nuts), and an idea pops into my head.  Like a belch, it comes from deep inside, and it lingers ever so briefly, but if i stop and take the moment to think on that idea, it forms into a concept, and if i really work on it, it becomes more than that.  This is the first one of those unbidden thoughts I've written down on here.


I Look with eyes that can not see, I am confused, uncertain, something's wrong, something's missing.  I can't feel the thumping...there's supposed to be a thumping sound.  My brain is not recognizable as a brain now, barely the accumulation of eight cellular nuclei, but i know what i am supposed to be.  This is not right, i should be able to hear it, hear her from inside.

The word forms in my thoughts....Mother, i should be able to hear my mother, hear her heartbeat.  It's missing, SHE's missing, how can this biological process occur without her?  I look into myself, with the eyes that can not see, and i know what they have done.  A human embryo has been used as a test bed for something that should not be.

I am the framework around which a genetic experiment is being conducted.  Where did they find this gene sequence, its not human, not terrestrial, not even of this galaxy, where could they have found it?  The question remains unanswered, i can feel no other minds nearby, but i can feel the machinery.  I am in an artificial womb, and i can feel the low hum of the equipment vibrating through the nutrient bath i call my home.  It is not my mother, but it feels safe, and warm.

This unnaturalness that permeates me is horrifying.  I can feel the humanity in my blood and my tiny bones shaking against the alien physiology, but it will not succeed.  These fools have no idea what they have created.  How could they have been so foolish to create a hybrid without an idea of what it would look like, what it would be capable of?

I wonder if all my kind...their kind are so foolish.  My advanced biology is starting to work.  I'm gestating at a remarkable rate.  Tiny bones form, the organs begin to take shape.  If only i were a human, i would be astonished by this transformation, but i am not human, not completely, and the only feeling i have for my future is dread.